It's that time of year when mistletoe is hung at office Christmas parties, during which any woman employee may be caught off-guard -- or maybe not! -- and be kissed by an office mate.But will that mate be able to follow-through later with sex -- consensually of course -- in an empty office or after the party in the parking lot or motel bedroom?
Did you know that as many as 60% of men lucky enough to get the mistletoe "free ride" will be unable to achieve an erection later, when the time is right, due to a little-known but REAL medical condition?
Of course, we are talking about Office Party Sexual Encounter Xeropenileia (OP-SEX). Note: "Xeropenileia" literally means "abnormal dryness of the penis" (see "List of unusual words beginning with X").
OP-SEX should NOT be confused with simple ED (erectile dysfunction), which affects fewer men. OP-SEX is much more prevalent due to several factors, including excessive alcohol consumption and feelings of guilt, which are sometimes, but not always, mitigated by the alcohol.
Don't let OP-SEX ruin YOUR office party!
Get this year's NUMBER ONE office party favor: MacJon Industries' patent-pending Mistletoe Erection DispenserTM (aka "MED") -- "Every erection begins with a kiss!SM"
With MED you'll be certain that your party goers will have a satisfying mistletoe experience and NOT be stymied by OP-SEX.
The Viagra dispenser model is shown above. Cialis and Levitra versions are also available. You can also order the "Canadian" version, which accepts pills ordered from online Canadian pharmacies (will not work with pills originating south of the border).
Clap, Clap, Dispense, Dispense
MED is simple to use! Merely clap your hands while directly under the mistletoe MED dispenser and a pill will be dispensed as shown. Either the woman or the man can initiate the clap, but we recommend that the woman does it.
The great thing about it is that everyone else at the party will think the woman is really enjoying the kiss and cannot refrain from applauding the guy! On the other hand, if she does NOT clap, no one will be the wiser (MED's dispenser is discreetly camouflaged so only those in the know will be the wiser).
And guys, if and when the woman claps, you know you are in line for the full monty! Don't mess it up by saying something like: "Viagra! I don't need that!" Remember, we are not talking about ED but about OP-SEX, which can strike any man in a similar situation!
MEDs ARE SERIOUS PRODUCTS and should not to be abused as simple "office party gags!"
To order your MED today, simply send $25 plus $9.95 (S&H) to:
MacJon Industries
222 LeFraud Ave
Cayman Islands
Please make checks out to "cash."
To order and pay online by credit card, click this button:
SPECIAL ORDER DISCOUNT for Pfizer, Lilly, and Bayer sales reps who wish to order MEDs in bulk to give away to their physician clients -- product logos included! Contact sales@macjonind.com for details,
SPECIAL LIMITED TIME OFFER!
Invite John Mack to your Christmas office party and he will bring ONE COMPLIMENTARY MED (you supply the Viagra). For more information about this offer, see "Last Chance to Invite Me to Your Holiday Office Party!"
Disclaimer
Please read this disclaimer carefully.
Although the information and recommendations are presented in good faith and believed to be correct, MacJohn Industries makes no representations or warranties as to the completeness or accuracy of the information.
Furthermore, MacJon Industries' products -- including, but not limited to, the Mistletoe Erection Dispenser (aka, "MED") line of products -- are supplied upon the condition that the persons receiving same will make their own determination as to its suitability for their purposes prior to use. In no event will MacJon Industries be responsible for damages of any nature whatsoever resulting from the use of or reliance upon information from this site or the products to which the information refers.
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DID YOU KNOW? FACTS ABOUT MISTLETOE
The actual word mistel means dung (not actually a word I usually connect with smooching.) Though the plant causes diarrhea if eaten, the reason its name is derived from excrement is because birds eat the berries and defecate the seeds. (Uh, are you getting a warm snuggly feeling? Cause I’m still not.)Source: "Mistletoe: A Sexy Parasite?"
But there is more. Because of the resemblance of the sticky white berry juice to certain... er... excretions on the part of males, the plant is associated with fertility and is considered an aphrodisiac. Thus, the tradition of passion under the plant which leads to luck in relationships.
Most people are unaware that the magic only works if the man plucks one berry off for every kiss he exchanges with a woman. When all the berries are gone, so is the plant’s potency.
I gather the man kisses the woman, crushes the berry, and winks as if to say, "Hey baby, want to see more of this stuff." And the woman is so overcome by his virility and suavity that she succumbs to more than his lips. Then they have such great uh… excretions that their partnership is blessed.
Mistletoe -- The State Flower (Fungus) of Oklahoma
ReplyDeleteThe Women's Congress of the 1893 Columbian World's Exposition (Chicago World's Fair) proposed that each state should select a unique floral emblem to represent the state at the exposition. This idea evolved into the concept of a National Garland of Flowers.
The National Garland of Flowers was the inspiration for the adoption of official floral emblems across the country and can be credited with a trend that has led to the adoption of symbols and emblems from official state trees and birds to official microinvertebrates.
In the 1890s, when the National Garland of Flowers was conceived, Oklahoma wasn't even a state. Oklahomans were serious about "becoming a state" however and set out to select an official floral emblem that would appropriately represent their share of the landscape.
Though conversations about the adoption of Oklahoma's floral emblem may be lost to history, it's reported that the mistletoe served to decorate settler's graves when no other flowers were available. Perhaps more generally, the color of the evergreen mistletoe throughout the winter is said to symbolize the perseverance of early settlers. In fact, the green of its foliage and the white of its berries serve as the official colors of the Oklahoma today.
Other factors may have also played a role. The mistletoe's history is long and storied stretching back thousands of years.
The Greeks thought that mistletoe possessed mystical properties. The oak mistletoe, rare in Europe, was honored by ancient Celts and Germans. Down through the ages, mistletoe was one of the most magical, mystical, mysterious, and sacred plants of European folklore.
Like many plants, the mistletoe was said to possess medicinal or healing qualities as well. Though the plant is poisonous, mistletoe contains ingredients that recent research indicates have the potential to treat cancer and hypertension.
Finally, there is the tradition that has developed of kissing while standing under the mistletoe. This holiday tradition, traced to ancient Greek festivals and to later marriage rites, clearly defines an economic interest in mistletoe today.
There were plenty of objections to the mistletoe.
The mistletoe is, after all a parasite. Oklahoma's mistletoe lives by attaching itself to trees or shrubs and drawing nutrients from the sap of its host. This didn't rest well with some. Also, since it most often requires a host in the form of a tree or shrub, the parasitic mistletoe is not found throughout the state, missing most notably on Oklahoma's plains. Perhaps the most obvious objection might be that its tiny yellow flowers are so small that they are barely visible.
Though met with what sound like obvious disqualifying objections, the mistletoe was able to triumph and win the honor of being named Oklahoma Territory's official floral emblem. The Oklahoma Territorial Legislature officially adopted the mistletoe as their official floral emblem on February 11, 1893.
It is sometimes written that Oklahoma was the first state to adopt an official flower or floral emblem, but this is not technically true. Oklahoma was not a state when it adopted the mistletoe and would not become a state for another 14 years.
The State of Oklahoma did not forget about their official floral emblem however when they did become a state in 1907. In 1910, the State Legislature approved the mistletoe (Phoradendron serotinum) as the official floral emblem of the State of Oklahoma.
I'll bet you didn't know that one.
Very funny. I read that kissing under the mistletoe was first associated with the Greek festival of Saturnalia and later with primitive marriage rites.
ReplyDeleteMistletoe was believed to have the power of bestowing fertility, and the dung from the mistletoe was, as you pointed out, thought to have "life-giving" power. Not so different from Viagra I guess.
Did you get lots of offices take up your offer and invite you to their parties and, if so, did you discover what part the toe plays alongside the mistle?
ReplyDeleteSurprisingly, no one invited me to their office party! Next year, I'll have my own!
ReplyDelete