Tuesday, December 04, 2007

PhRMA Intern v. Montel: HS Intern is Saved, But...

Yes, it's PhRMA Intern! Strange visitor from an Ivy League school who came to PhRMA with powers and ability far beyond those of Ken Johnson.

PhRMA Intern! Who can change the course of mighty news stories, bend the truth at will, and who disguised as Emily Jameson (no relation to Jenna Jameson), mild-mannered intern for a great pharmaceutical trade association, fights a never ending battle for believability, justice for pharmaceutical companies, and the PhRMA way!


One Day at PhRMA Headquarters
Our story begins at the PhRMA headquarters in Washington, DC where PhRMA Intern -- disguised as mild-mannered real intern Emily Jameson -- is going through her morning routine scanning the newspapers.

Emily reports directly to Ken Johnson, SVP at PhRMA and PhRM's chief spokesperson.

Usually, Emily sits in her cubicle fantasizing about Ken, but this morning something in the Savannah Morning News catches her attention and causes her outburst.

What could have upset her so much?!

Not able to remain calm, Emily reads a story about a threat Montel Williams made against a high school intern reporter working for the Savannah Morning News (see the back story here).

Emily knows that Montel is the national spokesperson hired by PhRMA for the Partners for Prescription Assistance program (PPA).

Briefly crossing Emily's steel-trap mind is the fact that Montel is a beloved Black entertainer suffering from MS.

She also remembers that the Association of Black Cardiologists is currently spotlighted as a Partner Organization on the PPA Web site. This organization, Emily recalls, has offices in Georgia, the same state in which Montel threatened a fellow intern! Very curious!

Not having any time to lose, Emily quickly transforms into PhRMA Intern and takes off to Georgia!

She's not quite sure what kind of "bomb" Montel has up his sleeve, but she takes the threat quite seriously even if Ken Johnson, Billy Tauzin, and the rest of PhRMA do not.

"Those spineless bastards are just stonewalling," laments PhRMA Intern. "They don't have any regard for the helpless hordes of young female interns out there! I have to take independent action!"

Out the window she flies to the joy and amazement of the local denizens who seem to be getting used to the sight of the flying crusader...er, heroine!

She quickly arrives on the scene...
Is she too late? Will Montel get away with it? What's PhRMA Intern's plan?


Amazingly this stunt works and PhRMA Intern quickly gives chase to nab Montel who escaped the scene in the orange PPA bus.

But she is in for a surprise when she finally catches up with Montel in the lobby of a local hotel.

Like all cowards caught red-handed, Montel refuses to accept that his actions were terroristic and lashes out at PhRMA Intern, threatening not only her life but the very existence of PhRMA!

PhRMA intern agrees with blogger John Mack that Montel must be fired immediately by PhRMA, whose reputation is at stake.

More important, unless Montel is fired, Billy and Ken might be expelled from the exclusive Savannah Quarters Country Club whose members don't cotton to uppity "folk" like Montel Williams threatening their women/girls!

PhRMA Intern takes her case to Billy Tauzin, PhRMA's CEO, but is surprised by his reaction.

It appears that PhRMA will not take any action against Montel and PhRMA Intern is foiled again.

However, what about PPA Partner organizations like the Association of Black Cardiologists? Maybe they should demand that Montel be fired. Let's drop them a note and see what they say. Here's the contact information for the above organization:

Phone: 800-753-9222 (Toll-Free)
Fax: 404-201-6601
Email: abcardio@abcardio.org

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