Thursday, December 17, 2009

Pharma's 2009 Letter to Santa

An anonymous source just forwarded me this letter to Santa that was intercepted at the US Post Office in Washington, DC:

December 17, 2009

Santa Claus
aka Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas, Kris Kringle
Santa Claus House
100 St. Nicholas Drive
North Pole (visible from Wasilla, Alaska)

Dear Santa:

As you know, it’s been a tough year for the pharmaceutical industry. I could list all the bad news, but where to start? Well, first there’s this president and all these Democrats to deal with in Congress!

But let’s not focus on the negative!

As you may have heard, we DID deal with the Democrats by pledging $80 billion in drug cost reductions over ten years! That proves we have been good, doesn’t it Santa?

You may have read the news about the billions of dollars in fines we had to pay this year. I hope you understand that all had to do with PAST “naughty” behavior, not how we behaved in 2009. I know you won’t count that against us, as we very much would like to be on your list of “nice” industries.

Did I mention that the pharmaceutical industry’s reputation among US consumers is now a few percentage points better than it used to be? We have a better reputation than automakers and the financial industry, that’s for sure! I won’t even mention tobacco!

Enough about us! It’s time to give you our list. You know, the list of presents we’d like for Christmas, please. Here it is:

  1. A nice healthcare reform bill that does not include a “naughty” public option, that does not include the right of Medicare to negotiate drug prices, that does not allow reimportation of drugs from Canada, but that DOES increase the number of people covered by health insurance who will then be able to buy our products. That would be very nice!
  2. Do I need to mention how much we would like guidance from the FDA on how it will regulate drug promotion on the Internet and social networks? Right now, we are really hurting because we cannot advertise on Google. I’m sure you also heard from Google about this. It may be a bit too technical for you to understand, but just tell the FDA that we want the “one-click rule” to be sanctioned by them. They will understand what you mean.
  3. You have tremendous influence over consumers and the economy on a global scale. Therefore, I don’t think we are out of line requesting that you see to it that worldwide sales of drugs rebound to double-digit growth in 2010. Do you think you can manage that?
There’s a bunch of other presents we’d like to get – such as shutting down Senator Grassley’s anti-drug industry investigations – but, if we get the above presents, we can manage just fine.

Oh, I almost forgot one more wish…

We wish that all the children of the world can live together in peace, harmony and good health.


The Global Pharmaceutical Industry


  1. Anonymous9:40 AM

    If pharma really pay for such PR, then it is remarkable that Pharma have better reputation than tobacco

  2. Anonymous8:21 AM

    Mixed bag: advertising to a public who adores Jerry Springer and Wife Swap is a poor idea. NOT negotiating prices in this economy is rather selfish. Re-importation leads to counterfeiting, so that is good.,
    Wanna make more $$$? Stop using 1950s manufacturing and get on board with PAT/QbD! Why do we trust the country that gives us malamine in dog food, DEG in toothpaste, OSC in heparin, lead in toys, and every knock-off on the streets of NYC?
    Merry Christmas...if you have a job

  3. Anonymous9:09 AM

    can we have a few good bogus health scares too - Swine flu, bird flu, (insert species here) flu etc etc to keep the pot boiling?..

  4. Anonymous4:21 PM

    Isn't Pharma Jewish????

  5. Wow... My children also want to write letters to the jolly man at the North Pole this holiday season likely won't get a response from Santa Claus or his helpers. I will show him this letter. I am sure it will definitely help them. Thank you!

  6. Santa would like to bring health to every body. That ishealth not expensive health care... Drugs are sometimes needed for that but let's not forget drugs are supposed to first help people and then be a business... Or maybe Santa is just old and doesn't remember well...


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